So last night after This Man got back from the barbershop, I managed to clean myself up and head out to Bourbon Street for a couple of drinks and to break in the new Juicy tee. Looking slouchy but well groomed, This Man arrived at Bourbon just in time to the big crowd to leave which was good for me, considering that place is a mad house on Friday nights. I'd already had a Jim Beam & Cola during the drive to the bar (hey, This Man is no model citizen), but that little cocktail did nothing to get me buzzing and immediately once I perched myself at the bar was informed that they'd ran out of Budweisers (how the fuck is that even possible).
So it was the next best thing. Bombay Sapphire & a shot of Red Bull. No sooner than I get the drink and head off to find a decent spot to S&M, who did I run into?
J.

With his friends, K & H.
Fuck!
I knew it would be wrong to pretend as if I didn't see them. This Man also knew that I would have to be cordial. I was getting closer. This wasn't going to be good.
It was going to be fucking great!
"Well, hello, stranger."
"Hey J. How you been, man?"
"Good. Yourself?"
"Well, you know. I can't complain. Where's the new guy?"
"Ohhhh, he doesn't like gay bars." I suppose This Man shouldn't be surprised really.
So there we were just standing there and trying to make small talk. I couldn't think of anything to say really so I just kinda looked off in the distance. There was a time when I actually looked forward to this little run in, but I think as time passed, This Man had came to realize that it wasn't going to happen and it didn't need to happen. I was over this guy, right?
"Do you have a cigarette?" He asked. "None of my friends smoke." He'd started smoking again?
"Of course."
"Cool, let's go outside." So there we were, just standing there. We really didn't have anything else to say, so it seemed like we pretty much repeated the same dialogue that we'd just had inside. It was uncomfortable and awkward.
"So what happened?" he exhaled. We were both smoking.
"J, I really don't want to go through all of that mess again. It's good seeing you though."
"You know, I'm really not a bad person!" he declared.
"I know you're not. I still think you're great."
"Well, I'm sorry about everything that happened."
"Man, believe me, there's nothing to apologize about, right? It's all in the past."
"I just felt like I needed to say it."
And we stood there. And finally, it was confirmed for This Man.
There was nothing else to be said. We were done. It was over not just for me, but for him also.
And at that moment, we both knew that there was nothing else that needed to be said or done.
I guess This Man did need this. While I could sit all day and tell myself I was over J, I needed this moment to let myself know and for him to know also. Whereas, we used to be able to talk about a whole bunch of nothing, this moment was done; we'd exhausted all topics to talk about. He knew it and I knew it. We no longer needed to be in each other's company and I like to think that we both needed to see the other just to make sure that we were okay.
I finished my drink and stood there until finally, I knew it was time. I gave K a pat on the shoulder, pecked H on the cheek and just looked J in his eyes and said, "Okay, I'm gonna take off now. You take it easy."
I smiled while I strolled back to my car. I knew that he wouldn't call. I wouldn't receive any more emails from him and I knew that the trip the Palm Springs that we'd talked about forever wasn't going to happen. And I was fine with that.
So sure, I'll continue to go to Bourbon Street on Friday nights and I'll continue to speak to K and H, even though they are his friends. And if and when This Man sees J, of course I'll speak, and I'll hug him and I'll chit chat with him.
But you'd better believe, I'm going to keep it moving afterwards.

Mahalo.

(the first picture from the Juicy Couture website)