You think your life is fucked up? Try living a piece of mine.

To sleep or not to sleep.


So last night The Dutchman and This Man got together at his place to hang out. His friends from out of town had finally left and he was free and so was I. I drove over to his place and spent the evening, eating leftovers from Hash House (one of This Man's favorite eateries), drinking wine, watching Oprah and finally a DVD that a friend had sent to him.
Image hosted by
Everything was perfect and This Man was happy. The food was good and cuddling on the couch with The Dutchman was great. So one would think that there couldn't possibly be anything for This Man to complain about, right?
Once the movie finished and it was getting late, This Man found myself dreading the possibility of The Dutchman asking me to sleep over. Don't get me wrong, we've slept together and for what it's worth, it was nice. And, not to mention, I actually like this man. I can't figure it out, but I enjoy being with him. But I didn't like sleeping with him--more like, I like him up until bedtime.
Here's why.
The first time The Dutchman and I slept together, it was great. We fooled around and cuddled until eventually we fell asleep with This Man's arms wrapped around him. It was nice and I was happy. This issue reared it's head the next morning when we were having breakfast at this awesome Mexican restaurant in North Park and The Dutchman remarked about my snoring.
Naturally, I denied it but he was insistent. I mean, as far as This Man knew, I didn't snore but then again, I am asleep so what do I know, right?
So there we were in this restaurant with him telling me about my snoring and me denying it. He was persistent and so was I until finally This Man said, " say what you want, but I know I don't snore." Eventually we brushed it off and ate our breakfast. But of course, the issue didn't rest there. Now I would be conscious of whether I snored or not. And trust me when This Man says it, once I become conscious of something, I'll never let it go!
A week or so after that incident, I slept over at his place only This Man didn't sleep. I sat up most of the night watching him sleep and on occasion I would drift in and out consciousness, but I definitely didn't get any rest that night. So it should come as no surprise when I got up and left his place, the first thing that This Man did once I was at my own house was collapse and fall asleep. Last weekend, when The Dutchman had his birthday party (that was an event in itself--it was Mantastic) and This Man was too drunk to even think about going home and therefore slept at his place, you guessed it--I lay awake the whole time (and I was drunk).
I was not going to allow myself to get too comfortable around him. It was impossible now. So up to this point, This Man isn't going to spend the night with him. I don't mind cuddling for hours and I don't mind just laying in bed, but up until that last precise second when it's time for This Man to fall asleep, I just get up, put my clothes back on and head for my car.
Back to last night, I could kind of hear the disappointment in his voice as I told him that I wasn't sleeping at his place and it bothered me for a minute. But I think once I got on my phone with my friend, L and she pointed out that, "... he shouldn't have said anything about it in the first place so of course you're going to be aware of it." I felt a bit better because someone understood what I was going through. As of now, I'm not going to say anything to The Dutchman about how it bothered me. For those reading this, I'll just keep you posted.
Now if you don't mind, This Man is off to take a much needed nap.


The Old Blues


Image hosted by
Digging through my closet today, This Man stumbled upon this pair of jeans that I hadn't seen in ages! And since I was only dashing across the street to the post office, I threw them on with a pair of flip flops, a tee shirt and headed downstairs. Much to my surprise, they still fit and in fact they were a bit loose which is always good. But what I can't help but marvel at is the fact that they aren't a pair of my 7 jeans or my Paper Denim & Cloth jeans (those that This Man paid over a hundred bucks for each), but a pair that I'd gotten back in 2001 from The Gap. What I suddenly like again about these jeans is I didn't buy them already damaged, I damaged them through continuous wear and washing to the point where they are a beautiful shade of blue. Did I mention that they're as soft as the finest cotton?
Image hosted by
This Man will definitely be putting them back into circulation. And while my premium denims are more pricey, this pair only cost about 3o buck. And the bonus, I'd better add is the hole in the crotch which provides perfect ventilation for This Man, seeing as I always go commando.
So until I have something more interesting to publish...


Pass the Dutch


Image hosted by
"Hey This Man, what are you doing?" the Dutchman said into This Man's mobile phone. I was in the middle of my pre-workout at home before my actual workout at the gym.
"I'm about to head over to the gym. What's going on with you?"
"Well, I was kinda hoping that I could see you tonight. Maybe when you're done with your workout you can give me a call?"
"Okay, that'll be cool. I'll ring you later" This Man agreed, hung up and headed off to the gym.
The Dutchman. What started out as an accidental message to my profile on Adam4Adam turned into an awesome threeway that lead into some great times with The Dutchman. Before this phone call, he'd been away visiting some friends in South Carolina and This Man had to admit that for an instant I actually missed him. I guess I enjoyed being around him. I certainly enjoyed being in bed with him. And while there was the time when he sent me an email using the L-word to which I responded with a cautious, "you'd better be careful with that one", I kinda was excited about getting to know him. You see, I'd met The Dutchman the day following one evening when I'd declared to my friend, L that it was time for This Man to start looking for someone to actually date--not just sleep around with, go on dates with. So it was kind of odd that my 'friendship' with The Dutchman would be kicked off by a fantastic threeway. But as the days went on, we started talking more and This Man started to see him as more than a hookup guy. He was actually someone that I wanted to get to know. So whenever I would be here at my workstation, I would casually gaze up at my calendar and mentally make note of how many days until he arrived back in San Diego and we could hang out again.
Finally, two hours later exhausted and beat up, This Man arrived back at my house from the gym. No sooner than the door slammed, I received this text message.
"Guess I got passed over. Good night."
To which This Man sent in response, "LOL." Which was quickly followed by, "I just got home."
The Dutchman came back with, "Ha ha"
Has This Man ever mentioned that I hate text messaging? I simply detest it and have never quite understood the purpose. I mean, why text message someone when it's a hell of a lot easier, not to mention, convenient to just call them? You're already on the damn phone! UGH!
So after that last message, I tried to reach him online. This Man sent a couple of messages until finally I wasn't getting a response. Then finally, I received this shocking message.
"I guess I was just starting to crave you too much. Well it was fun. Take care."
Image hosted by
Huh? Where the fuck did that come from? I responded with, "I have no idea what you're talking about." And on and on this miscommunication went until finally This Man decided to hell with text messages and emails, just call the guy! So I did and I would like to thank Cingular wireless for this precise moment to take down the fucking network so all I could hear was garble and pieces of words until finally even my mobile phone surrendered.
Up until now, I was still in my sweaty gym clothes and I was still considering heading over to North Park to see the Dutchman. Even in the midst of this maelstrom of miscommunication because I still wanted to see him. Finally I showered, threw on some jeans & flip flops, headed out to my car and called him.
"Hey!" I shouted.
"What the fuck is up with your phone? It sucks." he began with.
"Oh man, I know this whole night is really starting to piss me off. I'm just about done!"
"So come on over. I can't wait to see you. "
"I wanna see you too. I'm in my car now. I'll see you in a few."
And just before the conversation was about to close, the Dutchman threw in this little tidbit.
"Remember I told you about my friend, IT? He wants to come over and play with us. Is that cool?"
He had to be kidding? I was speechless.
"If it's cool with you, of course but I kinda told him that it would be alright."
All I could manage to say was, "Its whatever."
"You don't sound too certain." Even he could hear it in my voice. I only wanted to see him there would be other times for the threesome crap.
"It's whatever. I'll see you in a bit." And I hung up. But during the 15 minute drive to his place, I knew that I didn't want to go. I didn't want to be in the middle of that. I just wasn't in the mood. And once I got to North Park about two blocks from his house, I was certain of it.
I wasn't going to The Dutchman's house. In fact, I was going to turn my car around, head back home, climb into my pajamas and go to bed.
I wasn't in the mood for it and I didn't want to call him and explain what I felt. So I would take the easy way out and flake. That's exactly what I did.
I flaked. But what's more, I was done with the online hooking up/dating scene for a while. I knew I was. So once I got back home, I went online and deleted my online profiles. I didn't like what was happening to This Man as a result of them. I could feel myself slowly becoming one of those men that I deplored--and it didn't feel good at all. My mobile phone rang a few times last night before I finally got up and turned it off. It was the Dutchman and I'm sure he wanted an explanation. Hell, he deserved one.
Only he wasn't getting it tonight.


the rules


If there's one thing This Man loves besides my son D, good food, hot guys with no morals and the Last Call sale at Neiman Marcus, it's books. And if I can get them in the hardback edition at a outrageously reduced price that's even better! So it should be no surprise when this evening around 10p.m, my dearest friend in the world, L mentioned to me that Barnes and Noble was having a Summer Clearance with books marked down by up to 80%!
Image hosted by
So what did This Man do? I put on my shoes, grabbed my wallet and we dashed to B&N up in Mira Mesa which closed at 11. There were book everywhere and since I'm in the middle of a book already (Running With Scissors by Augusten Burroughs), we would be in there strictly looking for coffee table books. The selection was picked over and that was cool but there was one book that This Man was on a hunt for: a coffee table book & conversation piece about my favorite show, Law & Order. There L and This Man were, digging through stacks and stacks of books until finally we found it. On clearance for $1.99!
Can you believe it? One copy and I wasn't leaving without it.
Armed with the L&O book, we continued digging and digging. Then she handed me a little gem of a tome that This Man wasn't leaving without: the writers and editors of Esquire magazine had composed a book of tidbits from a man's perspective, entitled the rules: A Man's Guide to Life.
For two bucks, it wasn't big enough to place on my coffee table, but it would definitely make for good bathroom reading. Sold!
Okay, now having got all of that out of the way, before bed This Man read the Rules from cover to cover laughing, nodding and agreeing along the way. While some of the rules listed in the book are pure common sense, the others are just downright hilarious and make for great conversation. Therefore it should come as no surprise that This Man decided to list a few here.
Out of 607 listed, here are 10 of my favorites:
  • Rule 600: Mail that comes in envelopes with windows is never good.
  • Rule 581: A PBS tote bag does not make you an intellectual.
  • Rule 578: When you die they will find your porn.
  • Rule 77: Never trust a man named after a body part.
  • Rule 33: When it comes to luggage, men don't pull.
  • Rule 12: No talking at the urinal.
  • Rule 573: No one ever buys medium-sized condoms.
  • Rule 468: Never order a sloppy Joe on the first date.
  • Rule 291: There is no shame in eggs for dinner.
  • Rule 237: It is always unacceptable to refuse a woman's request to dance.
A great book of interesting tidbits. I'm definitely going to hang onto it with the hopes that my son, D will pick it up and thumb through it on day.




Image hosted by
Today is my son, D's birthday. It was today, at about 2:51 a.m. that he was born at Naval Hospital Bremerton, Washington. Literally, kicking and screaming as he entered the world, This Man was so overwhelmed that once the nurses finally revived me (I'd fainted right as he came into the world), I couldn't believe that the little man was here.
So 9 years later, here we are! He's away in Texas for his summer vacation, but he did get his birthday gifts and I spoke with him yesterday and I'll definitely be calling him again today. But while I'm thinking about his birthday and D period, I can't help but marvel at some of the things that he does or some of the things that he says. Sure, This Man has blogged a few times about how frustrating he can make me or how D and I just can't quite get on the same wavelength, but I guess that's what makes him so interesting. He's his own Man and he really likes to make it known. Here's a couple of tidbits that I can't help but laugh at about my son.
  • His love for all things spicy! From the time he was able to eat solid foods, D established a love for Mexican food, jalepenos and anything spicy (including those Flamin' Hot Cheetos). There are times when I just look at him in amazment because This Man doesn't have the cajones to eat some of the things that he does.
  • He'll never admit when he's afraid. He won't say he's afraid, but he shows it in small ways that This Man has to pick up on. On our recent flight to Texas, rather than tell me that he was afraid during the takeoff and landing of the airplane, D and I linked our arms together--just to calm his nerves. I didn't have to mention it and neither did he, but the look of relief in his eyes said ' Thank you, Dad'.Image hosted by
  • He's still amazed when he see baby pictures or videos of him as a baby. If D ever needs to be calmed down or This Man needs to get D to just relax, I break out the baby video and put it on the big screen TV. He freezes, drops what he's doing and watches in amazement.
  • His secret love of Brittany Spears. He hasn't mentioned her lately, but before This Man would say anything about her, just seeing her on TV on in a magazine would make him blush.
I could go on and on about my son, but I won't because I think just posting some pictures of him as a newborn and my favorite photo of him in his baby swing when he was a few months old, asleep are more than enough to embarass him until his next birthday.
Image hosted by
So without going on and on, This Man has to say in big letters,
Happy Birthday, D. Daddy Loves You!

(**still sticking to my rule of not showing any pictures of my son's face, that's why I only posted the older pics)

Suggestive Poses.


Image hosted by
Readers, take a look at the picture above. Study it closely. Now read below.

"Thank you for calling PlanetOut,Inc, parent company of and Our office is open 7 days a week from 9a.m. to 8p.m. Pacific Standard time... If you need technical support please press 2."

"Thank you for calling PlanetOut technical support for and If you would like to change your member name, talk to a technical representative....please press 2."
"All of our technical representatives are busy, either leave a message or stay on the line for the next available representative..."
Image hosted by
So just as the automated answering system launches into some dance version of a Belinda Carlisle song, This Man decided that I would wait and actually and talk with a technical representative from On Friday, I'd decided to take some new pics of myself to post to my profile. I'd prided myself on the fact that, considering that I am an amateur, the pics did turn out pretty nice. So naturally, to keep my online profiles fresh and in order to attract some interesting men, I posted the pics quick snap! Almost instantly, This Man noticed that had marked the pictures as 'Adult' oriented, meaning that either I was naked in them or doing something that was against their policies. Seeing as This Man was completely clothed in both pics, I wanted to get the issue resolved. Finally, the dance music stopped and a tech rep answered the line. Ironically, This Man wasn't expecting a woman's (by woman, I mean one with breasts and a uterus).
"Thank you for calling PlanetOut technical support, how can I help you?"
"Um, hi. This past weekend, I posted two new pics and you guys have labeled them as 'Adult' oriented and I'm completely dressed in both of them. I'm wondering if you could tell me what the problem is."
"May I have you member name, please?"
Of course, I told her what it was and listened as she keyed her computer and pulled up my profile.
"Oh okay, perhaps the pictures are too big. Were you able to post them?"
"Yes, that's not the problem. The problem is, you guys have labeled my pictures as 'Adult' oriented instead of being able to be viewed by all users."
"Are you talking about the one where you're completely naked with your hand on your stomach?"
"Which one is it?"
"It's the ones of me sitting on the steps in front of my house. Are you able to see them?"
"Oh yeah, I see them now. Um, the reason we marked them as 'Adult' oriented is because you appear to be grabbing at your crotch." she informed me. This Man couldn't help but laugh.
"Uh, ma'am if you look a bit closer at the picture, you'll see that my hands are nowhere near my crotch."
"Well, it's just that you appear to be in a suggestive position." she countered.
Suggestive position?! Suggesting what, come sit on the steps with me? So I asked her what she meant by that.
"What are you saying that I'm suggesting?"
"Well, the picture looks to be, oh, you know. I mean, if I were a guy, I would think that you were suggesting something."
"But I'm fully clothed and my hands are nowhere near that area!" This Man protested.
"I suppose you're right, I'll take care of it right now," a few more clicks on her keyboard, "Okay, you're good to go now. Is there anything else I can help you with?"
"Yeah, do you see the picture where I have my hand gripping my dick?" I asked.
"What do you think it suggests?"
She hung up in my face! But atleast This Man's profile was fixed.