Dear PJ,
Today after finishing my bike ride over in Pacific Beach, This Man was heading home when suddenly while on Interstate 8, I found myself thinking about you again. I'm pretty sure that by now (after all it's been over a year), you've pretty much forgotten about me and have moved on with your life. But I have to tell you, the thoughts of you came flooding back into my mind and the feeling was so great that This Man had to turn down the radio just to relish in the sensation. This isn't the first time that this has ever happened, it's just that this time the feelings disturbed me so bad because I miss you so much that all I could do was to go home and attempt to contact you if only just to hear your voice on the other end. You see, P, what you don't understand or probably will never know is the effect that you had on me. I guess at the time, I was so caught up in the moment and was enjoying being in your presence that This Man never thought to tell you how much you meant to me. You'll probably never let me get to tell you how much I used to enjoy watching basketball and cuddling with you while your dog lapped at my kneecap. I should probably never tell you how even now whenever I hear a song by The White Stripes, I think I driving up to your house in La Jolla. And whenever I'm watching Law & Order--your face is in my mind.
It's safe to say, PJ, that you did a number on This Man and you don't even know it. So much so, that whenever I'm downtown, I reroute my trip so that I'm driving up Cortez Hill. You know why.
So today, once I managed to pull myself into the house from my car, This Man attempted to recover the last known phone number that I had of yours. Miraculously, I was able to retrieve it and I left a message on your voicemail. I'm sure I sounded pretty desperate, but I have to tell you, I was so overjoyed just hearing your voice that I wanted to do backflips in my alleyway. While at work, later this evening, I could feel the anxiety growing inside me as I hoped and wondered whether you would return my call--even if it was just to tell me not to call you anymore. But all I really want to say to you is this, P; I miss you. I enjoyed being friends with you and I miss being around you. I don't think there's ever been anyone else who's has made me enjoy being This Man the way you did.
I left my number should you decide to return my call. This Man certainly hopes that you will.

Mahalo

Bored at Home...send entertainment. This Man isn't picky either. Just send a hot man with no morals and I'll be set for the rest of the day.

Mahalo.

Too beautiful not to capture.


Mahalo.

Wasting time on a Friday afternoon and after having lunch with my best friend, L. This Man, on a whim, went down to Target in Mission Valley and applied for a job. Perhaps This Man should back up and explain the whole story.
Simply, I want an Apple Powerbook. This Man already has it picked out and and I know which accessories I want to go with it. So I'm looking at around 2500 dollars. With my current salary, it would've been practically impossible to set aside the money to get it (my shopping habits are ridiculous when combined with things such as bills). And since I'm in the process of transferring to a new command, This Man has more free time than I know what to do with. So it only makes sense to get paid for it, right?
So back to Friday afternoon, I was having lunch with my best friend, L and she put the idea in my head.
"Why the fuck not?!" This Man said outloud. It made sense to me. L even volunteered to help me look for a prospective job. I wanted something that didn't require too much thought and no responsibility involved. I was afraid to ask for a job application at Hollywood Video--so we stormed out of there. Starbucks was having a job fair--next month.
This wasn't going so well for This Man. After leaving L (she went back to work), This Man decided to go to Target and apply there. The Mission Valley store is pretty close to my house and as much time as I spend in there, why not get paid for it, right? Looking bummy (in a red tee shirt, 7 jeans and flip flops), I drove down and filled out their electronic application. There was an older lady sitting next to me and she seemed to be struggling to complete all of the questions. Hilarious, I thought as I whizzed through the 5 sections of the questionnaire.
You have completed all sections of the application. At this time, please pick up the red phone to your right and a Target operator will be on the other line momentarily.
"Hello?" This Man sounded a bit unsure of myself.
"Hi."
"I just finished the electronic application and it told me to pick up this phone for further instructions."
"Yes, would you be able to come to the back for an interview right now?"
"Ummm, " I looked at my sloppy attire. So much for a first impression, "sure. Okay."
"Good. Just come back past the electronics department. Make a right and then a left. You'll see a door marked 'Target Team Members Only' , come through that door and have a seat."
I did just as she told me (and sure, I went to the wrong door initally, but eventually This Man found the door she was talking about). The interview process was pretty simple. Though I wasn't able to dazzle the first interviewer with my charm, somehow, someway I managed to win her over because she recommended a second interview. This Man thinks it has something to do with my response to this question.
"Why do you want to work for Target?"
And I said, "Well, Theresa. I've always loved Target and I spend a lot of time in this store. However, I need to make more money to supplement my income. And since the Navy doesn't just go handing out raises and my schedule is about to change in a major way, I figured why not.
And I want a new laptop and the only way I can get the money for it is to work for it."
The second interview was just as pleasant. Ultimately, Maureen came out and asked if This Man had time to go over to a lab and submit a sample for the mandatory drug test.
So 1 hour and a urine sample later, This Man was on his way home. Of course Target has to perform their mandatory background check and wait for the results of the drug test, but This Man is pretty confident that I'll hear from them this week. The Powerbook is getting closer and closer to within my grasp.
I'll keep you updated.

Mahalo

(Target photograph courtesy of Wikipedia.org)

You don't believe This Man, well keep reading.
So a couple of nights ago, This Man was talking to my best friend L about another friend of mine and her disappointing news. It wasn't gossiping, I was just expressing my concern and sadness and L, I love her dearly, always has the best advice or tidbit of knowledge that's always appropriate regardless of the situation. In the middle of my rambling on, L says,
"You know this is proof that we can't have it all."
That was the one sentence that definitely explained a lot. This Man froze and digested that one liner.
We can't have it all.
And she was right! She went on to elaborate about S. She pointed out that S was a successful and beautiful woman who is in a wonderful relationship. She has a man who simply adores her. A career that's well on track. It was perfect--except for the one thing that would complete her perfect circle. She's not going to have it all.
And This Man. Just as I thought I was well on track with my job. I was starting to fall for a guy that I thought I cared about. My son was healthy and my friendships were solid. Yet, I was unhappy. I would never have the one thing that would complete my circle.
We can't have it all.
L went on to talk about herself. She has a beautiful home a son that she loves dearly. Her friends are dear to her and her job is just starting to take off. Yet her marriage (and This Man knows this to be true) isn't the strongest and she has her own shortcomings.
She can't have it all.
It made such good sense that I couldn't believe that it was so simple and why I hadn't seen it all along. We're destined in this lifetime not to have the complete circle. So of course, This Man attempted to apply this theory to all of my friends and even celebrities. I realized then, that it was true--we can't have it all. So while from the outside looking in, there's always someone's life that we as humans would always be willing to trade for our own, but what we fail to observe is the missing link. The part of another person's life that's missing from their complete circle.
While This Man would never engage in conversation about the after life and whether we'll all come back into this world as another person or object, I do know that if that were true, another part of the link would be missing. It's almost predestined that we're never going to have it all.
There will always be something missing.
It's simple philosophy, but it applies to everyone. Its amazing! So the next time, dear readers, you're at cocktail hour, ponder this thought. It applies to everyone--from my friends and yours and even celebrities aren't exempt and you'll agree with my friend L, This Man and even my friend, S that we can't, indeed, have it all.

Mahalo.

Here's the email argument that This Man had with J last night. I'm still trying to figure out what happened. Note the grammatical errors and misspelled words are his, not This Man's.

>>Hey J, how's it going?
>>Aren't you sleepy?
>>No, but I will be soon...did you get my message today?
>>wat (sic) message papi? is it anything verry (sic) inportant (sic)? no I did not sorry, I was
cleaning all day runing (sic) earens (sic) n stuff.
>>No, just called you to say hey!
>>I just got it were you going to take me to lunch?
>>LOL...that wasn't the plan. I just hadn't heard from you that's all.
>>what now? to direct for you? or shal (sic) we start playing games?
That's where the shift happened. I'm still trying to figure out if I did anything to create this.
Here's my response to his last message.
>>WTF is this playing games bullshit that you like to accuse me of? J, if I was going to play
games with you, I'm pretty sure you would've figured it out by now. I just don't get you--and frankly, it's starting to piss me off. It's just like all of a sudden things have shifted between you and me and I don't know if I like where this is going. But I will say this, I'm not about playing some fucking game with you and the fact that you would even think that bothers me. So maybe, this might be something that we need to sit down and talk about so we can get this out of the way and move on. Don't you think? You have my number.
This will be a phone call or meeting that This Man knows I will not be late for.

Stay tuned...
Mahalo

So let This Man set the scene.
Last night, after having dinner with my son, D and L, This Man got a phone call from J, inviting me to have drinks with him and his friends at Bourbon Street. Since I'd been thinking about J all week--missing him even, I jumped at the chance to get out and hang with him and a couple of his buddies.
I get to Bourbon Street at about a quarter to midnight, just in time to be shuffled among the crowd as they were closing one part of the patio. I still hadn't found J, but I knew he was still there. It was when I stepped into another part of the video bar that I saw him--talking to another guy! Not just talking to him, but the guy was running his hands all over J.

What the fuck was this?!
Now I know This Man has never really been clear in setting boundaries as far as my relationship with J, but this wasn't something that I was prepared to deal with or, for that matter, be willing to tolerate. And what was the sudden stab of pain that was growing in the pit of my stomach? Could it have possibly been--Jealousy?
"Hey handsome, what's going on?" I asked, coming up from the left side.
"Well, hello...I'm good. This is my friend, David. He's from Texas." J has to nerve to say. Amazing how he was so nonchalant about it. This Man was so uncomfortable, but I refused to let J see it, but I have the feeling that it was written across my forehead.
"I'm gonna grab a drink. Do you want anything?" This Man told J and he definitely saw the sideward glance I was giving him.
"No, I've already had enough."
Anger! Next thing I know, This Man is shoving my way through the crowd with a bit more force than needed. I couldn't believe I was witnessing this shit! And why was I allowing it to bother me. Granted, the boundaries of J and my "relationship" have never clearly been defined, but I do know that I care about him. I care about him a lot. But I would never pull a stunt like this. J was trying to be really slick. So when I met back up with the group, This Man engrossed myself in a conversation with H & K, two friends of J's. It didn't help that they were commenting on what was going on, but I was pretending that it wasn't bothering me. It was then that J asked, in front of the group, "This Man, are you my boyfriend?"
Speechless! I was shocked! Where the hell did this one come from? J and his new friend, along with H & K were all looking at me. This Man had to respond with something.
"Where the hell did that come from and who wants to know?" that was all I could manage.
"Well, my friend here was just wondering what kind of relationship did you and I have."
"Well..." This Man was struggling for some time, "I care about you very much. I enjoy being with you and I think about you whenever we're not together. And really, it's not his business." That was all I could come up with and feel safe. Meanwhile, you have this guy just waiting for me to stumble so he could move in. There was only one way to settle this.
"But I want to know also. " J was truly going to pay for this one.
To be continued...

Mahalo

This Man received an email today from my fellow blogger, Orbicon, and after reading it and accepting the challenge, I sat down at my workstation and commenced thinking about 5 things that my friends like but I just don't quite get. So without further delay, This Man presents my meme.
1. "Straight" acting. Okay, if you spent as much time in gay mens' chatrooms as This Man does, you would see this term used more often than someone saying that they want a guy who's gay acting. I've seen it so much that I started asking guys what the term meant and what they liked about other men who were "straight" acting. The term is defined as a guy who happens to like other guys sexually, however he has done such an outstanding job at fooling everyone into thinking that he's actually straight. This includes men who have taken masculinity to a whole different level. These men don't go to gay bars and clubs, they drive trucks and definitely aren't the least bit feminine. They play sports and spit on the sidewalk and on and on the list goes. What This Man doesn't understand is why anyone would want to bear that title. It seems to me that it would be one of the biggest oxymorons ever! He's gay but he acts straight. Is that even possible? And what's so attractive about a pretender? So This Man is sick of that term. And I have a news flash for all those straight acting gay men out there. Cruising gay chatrooms and gay cruising sites is not a "straight" acting thing to do. So let's find another term. I know, how about Manly.
2. Those annoying salespeople at Armani Exchange. Sure they're cute to look at and they may even have a small working knowledge of the new Spring line that's on the floor, but for some reason whenever This Man steps into A/X, I seem to get either a.) the ditzy salesgirl who knows nothing about mens' clothing, but she's desperate for a commission and b.) the homoqueen who's so preoccupied with flirting (the one time that flirting is a big turn off) that he barely remembers what store he works at. I mean, flirt with This Man and I may be in the mood to respond, but if you're not prepared to exchange phone numbers once the flirting is done, then keep those tired words-- and that ninety-eight dollar Iridescent Stripe shirt! And since I'm bitching about those fucking idiots, why don't they learn how to do an in-store return.
3. Ebay. Simply put, it's too fucking risky for This Man. I'll admit that I've been on the site and I've placed a few bids (only to be ridiculously outbid--and I really wanted those shoes), but whenever I go to the site and look at some of the things that they have to offer, I can't help but get nervous. Sure, there are some great deals to be made from the auctions, but This Man will forever be leery of a site that offers a brand new pair of Rock & Republic jeans for 45 bucks! Bargin, I think not. So the rest of the world and my friends, you can have that auction site, This Man will continue to go to the mall and get the real deal without the doubt.
4. Guero by Beck. First off, I'm a true Beck fan! This Man thinks the guy is very creative at what he does with his music. However, contrary to all of the hype when his latest CD was released, This Man thought it sucked. And you can never understand how pissed I was the morning that I purchased it at Starbucks (given that I was late for work), only to find that every track on the CD totally sucked! UGH! Just thinking about the fact that I own the CD and can never pump myself up to give it another listen. I was so mad at some of my friends behind this garbage CD that I actually got into a screaming match with some of them. Never again!
5. MP3s. Just think of This Man as the guy who held onto cassettes for as long as I was able to. I know that MP3s are the way to go as far as music is concerned. They're, by far, cheaper to obtain than purchasing CDs and you can carry thousands of them in the palm of your hand. But what this man hates about MP3s is the fact that they take away the need to peruse the music stores. This Man loves shopping for CDs! I love Tower Records and whenever a CD is due to release and it's one that I've been anxious for, I'll go to Tower at midnight just to purchase it before the few of us who actually still enjoy searching for CDs. Granted this year, This Man does plan to make the switch and get an iPod, I'll always love Tower Records and Sam Goody. There's just something about music stores and being there that downloading from the comfort of your desk will never be able to replace.
Of course, once I got to number five on my list of gripes, some others can flooding to me but I'm not going to write a length description about them. But I will list a couple of them. Those men that work at MAC cosmetics and actually wear the makeup while working. I can't be the only one who sees that the emperor has on makeup! Women, I understand that you're being nice, but don't buy makeup from a man...you'll always be wrong! People who lay around at Borders or Barnes & Noble to read but don't purchase the books. Hello, isn't that what the city library is for...use it! Thanks again, Orbicon for enlisting me with this task. Now, I'm passing it on.
1. L
2. Lil Masey
3. Chad Fox
You guys are up.

Mahalo

To all Mothers, Grandmother, Mother-in-Laws, Godmothers and Baby Mamas, This Man would like to say Happy Mothers Day!





In Loving Memory of
Martin, the Red Betta Fighting Fish
(September 2004 - May 2005)
You were more than a living room accessory; you were also my favorite pet.

Mahalo

No, This Man hasn't neglected This Man's Life. It's just that I've been a bit busy and when it's time to sit down and recall what to blog about, I either can't think of anything to write or I'm too tired. But This Man is still here and I'll blog more this weekend. So until the traffic jam breaks...
See ya this weekend!

Mahalo